Finding Balance

I can be grateful for all I have while also feeling grief for all I've lost.  Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

There was a post on Facebook where the author stated that his family was going to move to Ireland, and he wondered about the issue of homesickness - if people experienced it and how they handled it.

I had been thinking about writing a post like this for a while and answering his question on Facebook helped to bring sharper focus to my thoughts.

It may sound woo-woo or whatever, but the harmonics of this place, the energy, isn't compatible for me at the moment.  I've told people that I feel like a tree that's been transplanted into foreign soil - my roots are reaching out for something familiar but nothing feels "right" or comfortable.

No matter where I traveled in Minnesota, it always felt like home.  The surroundings, even when physically different, were the same somehow.  Here, things feel a bit off - like a radio station that isn't quite tuned in.  I don't remember having this much trouble acclimating when I moved to Texas but then again, I was 30 years younger and the circumstances were different so it isn't an apt comparison.

I have a feeling the lack of definite seasons is also going to be difficult for me.  I NEED that delineation and, as was the case in Texas, I just don't think that's going to happen here.

In Minnesota, we lived in a house surrounded by trees/grass, and we had daily visits from all manner of wildlife - birds, squirrels, deer, bunnies.  Here, our balcony looks onto a small courtyard but there are so many hard surfaces and not much greenery.  Considering I draw comfort from nature, the lack of it when I look out the window isn't helpful.

Coloring this entire experience is also the fact that I'm carrying a lot of grief over Lissa.  My move to Ireland would've put her over the damned moon.  She would've been so thrilled for me, so eager to hear about my adventures.  Maybe she would've been able to visit, and we could've sat in a Dublin pub, listening to traditional music, she with a pint of Guinness or a shot of Jameson's in her hand, her Irishness coming home for a little while.  Everything I experience here at the moment has a sour taste of regret.

However hard this has been at times, I'm giving myself the gift of grace.  We haven't even been here for three months yet which is a drop in the ocean compared to being in Minnesota for over 50 years.  I don't expect my homesickness to ever fully disappear but I think that the longer I'm here, the more comfortable I'll feel.

As I write all of this, there's a part of me that gets irritated by all of the doom and gloom and complaining. I've been given this incredible gift but rather than finding gratitude, all I can find is sorrow.  But as the quote at the top of this post reminds me, life is not about absolutes.  Grief and gratitude, gain and loss, joy and sadness - all of these things can co-exist, and that's okay.

More Random Stuff

The wheels on the grocery carts are multi-directional so when you want to go from the middle of the aisle to a spot closer to the shelves, you just push your cart sideways.  It took me a while to get the hang of maneuvering - the first few times, I was weaving all over the place.  I appreciate the difference though - so much better than having those static wheels.

Caps on bottles are tethered to the neck of the bottle after you open them.  This is to help more caps be recycled (when they detach, they're sometimes too small/light for the recycling equipment to handle and they wind up as non-recycled waste).  Bottle rings are also harmful to wildlife so this keeps them attached to the container.  It was an adjustment to get accustomed to these caps but now, it's no big deal. 

There are a couple of tram stops that are near a park-and-ride.  When we approach those stops, the announcement tells passengers to "alight here for park-and-ride."  Not depart or get off, but alight.

Tram/bus stops are announced both in English and in Irish.  It's interesting because some of the towns sound different depending on the language - Carrickmines is Carraig Mhaighin and Cherrywood is Coill na Silini in Irish.  But then there are places like Cowper which are pronounced and spelled...Cowper.

The tub/showers in our apartment have two handles.  One knob turns the water on and controls the flow; the other one controls the temperature.  You don't have one knob for cold and one knob for hot.

Eggs are found on the shelf at the store and not refrigerated.  That wigged me out a bit because my only experience with store-bought eggs was getting them from the fridge section.  But I've eaten some (and Eli's been eating them hard-boiled for a while) and haven't dropped dead so I guess they're okay.

Take-out is called take-away.

The windows don't have screens on them.  The apartment advises to open your windows every now and again.  And have all the bugs inside?  No thank you.

Band-Aids are called plasters.

Random Stuff

At least in the couple of restaurants we've gone to here, they use paper straws.  Pretty cool.

Feminine hygiene products have been available for free in every public restroom I've been in, and I don't hear anyone bitching about it.

At the libraries here, you use the check-out computer to also return your books.  At the library in Elk River, I would drop my books in the return slot and the library staff would check them in.

The Eire/postal code is you-specific.  For example, our postal code is D18 YN2F (Dublin is split into districts, and we're in district 18).  Whereas ZIP codes cover a particular region, Eire codes are each for a specific address.  I don't know if they have it set up this way because they don't have house numbers?  We live on Cherrywood Avenue but there's no house number (i.e. 1234 Main Street) associated with it.

We had our immigration appointments back in August, and INS mailed our cards to us - only to have them returned (the postal code they used was D22-something, which isn't even close to our postal code so something got messed up at INS during data entry).  Eli picked his up a week or so ago.  He had the day off yesterday, and we took the train into city centre so I could get mine.  Oddly enough, your IRP (Irish Residence Permit) card shows you are legally allowed to be in Ireland but despite the fact that it has your photo, DOB, and full name....you can't use it as identification.

We finally got a bank account established here and received our ATM cards.  Anytime I've ever gotten a new credit card or whatever, I've had to call a number to activate it.  With these ATM cards, we activated them by simply using them.

Speaking of credit cards, about a week after we moved, Bank of America sent us new credit cards because our current ones expire in October.  We had a forwarding address on our mail, so they were redirected to my mom.  She sent them, along with Eli's new debit card from the bank, to us in mid-August.  I don't know what else she sent, but she put everything into a regular manila envelope.  No problem, right?  Yeah, problem.  It only took about four days to go from Minnesota to Ireland....and then it sat at a facility in Ireland for a while.  And then it got sent back to Minnesota just a few days ago and was showing it was in Minneapolis.  I thought perhaps it was being returned to Mom for whatever reason.  NOPE!  It's currently in Chicago again.  What the actual fuck?

Most bottled products are part of a return scheme ("scheme" here means "plan" or "process" - I'm used to it meaning something shady or duplicitous so that's taken some getting used to).  You get charged a deposit fee (usually around 15-50 cents) when you buy it, but you can return the empty bottle and get a voucher that refunds the fee.  Most convenience and grocery stores here have the return machines so it isn't a big deal.  You have to use the voucher in the same store - if you don't think you're going to buy something there, you can cash it out.